We came home from the hospital on March 27, Jeff's birthday. Poor Jeff didn't have much of a birthday, but he did receive the greatest present of all! When we got home, Mac was asleep so we headed straight upstairs and we also went to sleep. But not for long.
Our first night home from the hospital was difficult. Mac was not interested in sleeping, only crying. My boobs hurt so bad that the thought of nursing made me want to burst into tears but I had to put mind over matter and feed him anyway. I avoided putting a shirt on at all costs due to the extreme terror I felt over the thought of fabric brushing my nipples. TMI? Sorry but I am not sorry-I want to chronicle everything.
I cannot describe my feeling of excitement when the sun came up and it was time to start another day. The next morning, March 28, we had a doctor's appointment for Mac to get his weight and billyruben
We spent our first week alone just the two of us which was the best decision. I have always known that I love my husband so, so much but spending a week working together to figure out our tiny little son was the most amazing bonding experience I have ever had with him. I cried many times that week because of Mac crying, my boobs hurting, not sleeping, but I also cried that week at the thought of the week of us being in our house together with Mac coming to an end and Jeff going back to work. Jeff has been so hands on. He is up in the night changing diapers, he is the best at giving Mac his bath, he does laundry, cooks dinner, cleans the house, brings me snacks and water and my phone and anything else out of reach while I am feeding Mac and so much more. And this is so important-he tells me I am doing a great job, tells me I look beautiful (when I know that I dont bless my heart) and snuggles me at night. That last sentence is what new momma's need from their spouse (in my opinion) to keep on keeping on.
Mom came the second week and thank goodness for that. Our house was a wreck. I was eating more cookies than actual meals and our laundry and trash piles were out of control. We basically neglected everything but each other and little Mac. Mom swooped in and by the end of the first evening, all laundry and all dishes were done. It was amazing. She is one efficient mini mamma!
Jeff went back to work that week and of course I cried but having my mom here was my absolute saving grace. She drank coffee with me in bed in the morning, made me breakfast, lunch and delicious dinners, talked me off the ledge more than a few times when I became overwhelmed with all the tasks, emotions and reality that being a new mommy brings and she continued to clean my house and do my laundry. At night, she would retreat into the shadows of the kitchen so Jeff and I could spend some quality time with little Mac and talk about what we did that day. It was the perfect combination of being present and knowing when Jeff and I needed some time together. I really cannot thank her enough for being here during the second and third week.
Now as social media often does, I am making this sound like rainbows and unicorns. When I mention Mom talked me off the ledge, that often involved me snapping at her in the process. I am so sorry for doing that mom but I cannot begin to describe the emotional side of having a baby. It is hard. I mean really hard. During the day, it is figuring out why this tiny little human is crying, figuring out when he needs to sleep and when he needs to eat, changing his diaper what seems like 1.5 million times per day, making sure his neck is supported, wiping his little penie and balls (which I was totally scared of at the beginning), avoiding pee rockets when changing his diaper, etc. Around 5pm or 6pm each night, I would experience major anxiety when I began to think about what the night would bring. Would he sleep at all or would he scream all night? I learned quickly that a few sips of wine and beer helps with this feeling. :) Mom was good for reminding me of that too, of course. But with the emotions and worry comes that cliched new level of love that you can only understand once you have a child. It is ridiculous how much I love Mac. I stare at him when he is sleeping, laugh hysterically at his man farts, snuggle him while he is eating, and play with him during those rare moments of awake time when he is perfectly content on his activity mat or in one of his 3 bouncy seats/swings. I look at him and cannot believe he is ours and of course I think he is the cutest thing ever.
The definition of success around here these days looks like 2 minutes of no crying in the car, a surprise seven hour stretch of sleep, pumping more than 1.5 oz of milk, nursing successfully in the car or in public, getting Mac to take a bottle like a champ , realizing he fell asleep on his own in his basinette or car seat, getting him to sleep in his crib for 5 hours one night, etc. When these things happen, Jeff and I cheesily high five and whisper cheers of excitement. We know that the big changes take time so we try not to get our hopes up too high, but we find it is important to celebrate the baby steps.
My advice to anyone about to become a mommy. Read as much as you want beforehand but those books are only going to act as reference. All babies are different and you have to figure out what makes your little one tick and make adjustments based on that. The books describe a dream child who acts a certain way and there is absolutely no guarantee your baby will do what the book says. That being said, we have loosely followed the On Becoming Baby Wise technique and it seems to be working for us.
Having a newborn is hard work. For real. But the reward is that we have this precious, tiny little bundle of a human who is relying on us for his food, his happiness, his comfort and his life. As my first Mother's Day approaches, I feel so proud to have made it the first 6.5 weeks and I have a newfound respect for all Mamas out there. You are all amazing-especially our moms.
(Kathy also came to visit and I will post about that next)
No comments:
Post a Comment